I've been reading your work for a while now but wasn't subscribed under my Substack account, so re-subscribing today with this account just so that I can say thank you!
Your essay today reminded me of some of the thoughts Ram Dass had on infidelity. He condemned it simply because, according to him, it does nothing but add paranoia to the world. I haven't been able to shake the beautiful simplicity of this way of framing it ever since I heard it on one of his recorded talks.
I think it speaks to the integrity behind deciding not to cheat as being something that has to come outside of the self, outside of the commitment/guilt/obligation/care for the partnership one might find themselves in, which as you illustrated, often can only take us so far when immediate gratification presents itself like a dangling carrot. I choose not to cheat, not just because I love my partner, not just because I care about what in my community think of me, not just because of the immediate consequences of hurt or shame, not just because I currently have enough will-power, but because I don't want to add paranoia to the fabric of the world, even if it's a mere single thread or stitch - it still leaves a mark.
Definitely questioning the moral limitations of consent practices rn as well. It can be dangerous territory.. not wanting to paternalistically make decisions for someone while also noticing the limitations on their reasoning. It does make an external moral framework appealing- not sure I’m on board with the Christian one personally tho lol
Hi Molly,
I've been reading your work for a while now but wasn't subscribed under my Substack account, so re-subscribing today with this account just so that I can say thank you!
Your essay today reminded me of some of the thoughts Ram Dass had on infidelity. He condemned it simply because, according to him, it does nothing but add paranoia to the world. I haven't been able to shake the beautiful simplicity of this way of framing it ever since I heard it on one of his recorded talks.
I think it speaks to the integrity behind deciding not to cheat as being something that has to come outside of the self, outside of the commitment/guilt/obligation/care for the partnership one might find themselves in, which as you illustrated, often can only take us so far when immediate gratification presents itself like a dangling carrot. I choose not to cheat, not just because I love my partner, not just because I care about what in my community think of me, not just because of the immediate consequences of hurt or shame, not just because I currently have enough will-power, but because I don't want to add paranoia to the fabric of the world, even if it's a mere single thread or stitch - it still leaves a mark.
Definitely questioning the moral limitations of consent practices rn as well. It can be dangerous territory.. not wanting to paternalistically make decisions for someone while also noticing the limitations on their reasoning. It does make an external moral framework appealing- not sure I’m on board with the Christian one personally tho lol